passive smokingI gave up waiting for you that night,passive smoking by iheartabortions
got into bed and lay on a dictionary.
I pulled it out and pressed my finger against a word the bore no relevence to you,
but I wrote your name beside it anyway because everything has to be related to you in some way.
I could have set the room alight that night.
I dropped a promise, those cigarettes I said I wouldn't smoke.
You never noticed the change in my voice when I was smoking at the other end of the phone.
I know every little change in the tone of your voice,
like the way your "I love you's" change before you're just about to drift into sleep.
I'm blaming you for all my misfortunes,
I'm blaming you for the ocean
I'm blaming you for the loss of words
and time and stop lights and aeroplanes.
We were always somewhere between apart and together
And I don't know the parts of me that you didn't rip apart.
it is not enoughit is not enough just toit is not enough by emilygolightly
miss you. i have to learn
how to walk again; how to
live without meat and
kissing, how to sleep
shaped like a balled up
fist. it is not enough
just to miss you. i have
to adopt twins in
Africa, name them Lost
and Weird, forget to
feed them. i have to
go to every pet store
in America and rescue
all the seahorses. i have
to tattoo D A R K B I R D
inside my lip and stand
in children's playgrounds
like a broken arm, creaking. it
is not enough just to miss
you. it has to hurt. i
have to write poems
that last forever, interpret
dreams about buildings
burning down, flies who
leave their partners for
sad New York waitresses. i
have to work on my
posture. shave my head, wear
white dresses. i have to
be a chaffinch when i curse
into my fingers. it is not
enough to just miss you. i
have to be a crazy
crocus-woman; my lovely
hand curled close around
your heart, a bud sealed
tightly, tightly, tightly...
This picture is five years old.|
Current Residence: Charlottesville, Va.
Personal Quote: Holy is what you do when there is nothing between your actions and the truth. -StayceyAnn Chin